If you think your personal life doesn’t affect your business life and vice versa, think again

In 2009, the day after Father’s Day, my dad was diagnosed with cancer.
 
When i spoke directly to the doctor and asked how serious it was and how much time my dad had left his response was to “get his affairs in order”.
 
We knew the cancer was far past treatment however my dad chose to fight and get chemo to prolong his life.
 
At the time, I lived in Chicago, traveling 80% of the time and my sister was an executive at a financial firm. I limited my work travel, my sister and I created a schedule to take care of my dad, taking him to chemo, being with him at home, grocery shopping, taking him to do things he wished to do but couldn’t alone.
 
Throughout this entire experience, I double downed on work. While at the hospital, I worked. At his house, I worked. At night, I worked.
 
He passed away 7 weeks later. 
 
While making funeral arrangements I worked.
 
I was a BEAR.
 
And I micromanaged the heck of my team.
 
I was short
Quick to judgement
Angry
Sad
Frustrated
 
And the thing about it - I didn’t have to be working. I had a team and leader supporting me that could have handled everything.
 
But working allowed me to avoid dealing with my dad’s passing. I didn’t have to be present. I didn’t have to feel my feelings. I didn’t have to admit I was grieving.
 
Ultimately everything I was feeling about my dad’s loss, my team felt. They were a moving target to get those feelings out that I wasn’t allowing myself to feel.
 
I could manage and control the work which was EXACTLY what I couldn’t do with my dad’s cancer. Or his passing.
 
It wasn’t until I addressed his passing, grieved his loss, took the necessary time for myself that I recognized how I was showing up and the impact I had on my team. 
 
All I could do was apologize, ask for their forgiveness and share what I was doing moving forward to address the grief.
 
Thankfully they unwaveringly accepted.
 
While loss is a in your face example - I see this time and time again with my clients…whether it be their relationships with their partner, kids or parents or not tracking towards business goals, relationships with peers, direct report or leader, losing a key player on their team or anything in between.
 
I can tell you, avoiding it won’t work.
 
Stuffing it down, won’t work.
 
Addressing it will work.

What haven’t you addressed that you need to? Where are you “a bear”?